How stupid am I?

Well, as usually happens, I've ignored my own advice. I went ahead and spent the past few days as though Jennifer and I are on great terms and the "Lipstick Incident" never happened. Her birthday was yesterday, and I learned (from her) that nobody here (work) was doing anything for her birthday. (Which was true - that group is just like that). So I somehow ended up offering to bake a cake. Which I did on Tuesday night. She loved it - everybody did. Which isn't the problem.

The problem is that all day yesterday she kept talking about how her and some friends were getting together after work to celebrate. She kept bringing it up, and never even hinted that I might be included in the festivities. (In fact, now that I think about it, I don't really remember *ever* being invited out with her like that). One of the women that would be there is the other person involved in the "LI", so I wouldn't have gone anyway. It would've been too awkward and uncomfortable. But would it have killed her to act as if I'm her friend? I mean hell...I *did* do something for her birthday. Granted, it was mostly because nobody else did, but still. (I actually told her that if someone was planning to buy a cake she should tell them not to and I'd bake one, so really I'd probably have done it either way).

Mostly I don't really care. But part of me is upset that I was given this HUGE reminder that I'm just not part of that group anymore. And that bugs me - especially after trying to be nice and making sure her time spent at work on her birthday didn't totally suck. (Because it does when people don't acknowledge your birthday - really). Did she have to keep bringing it up in front of me? It was bad enough the first time. Why rub it in? If I were going out for my birthday with friends, I'd have invited her...

Well I would have before. Not now. Not after it's been made so blatantly obvious that I'm not included in any of that.

And I'll be damned if I'm baking another cake for her on her next birthday. Obviously it wasn't as appreciated as she made it out to be. And, obviously, neither am I.

So I guess Monday (we're both out tomorrow, and she's gone today) it'll be back to the old cold shoulder. Guess we'll see if she notices.

Where is this leading?

After several weeks of barely speaking, Jennifer and I have started some sort of uneasy truce. I don't know if she feels how strained it is. I don't know if she feels how awkward it is. I do. I feel it all, and struggle to forget how disappointing our friendship has become.

We've started up quite a lot of on-the-down-low gossip about a few people (brother and sister, incidentally) that work there (stemming from our various complaints about the people in question and our need to rant about them with *someone*). It's interesting to see how easily we slip into old habits - laughing and joking as if there was never a wedge jammed between us. It's a little scary, too. I'm having a hard time remembering, during those times, that I've promised myself to watch what I say around her...to not let anything slip that might come back to haunt me. I have already, though. Several times over the past several days. I try not to dwell on it, but somewhere deep inside it worries me just a little bit.

I wonder at her motivations. She seemed so content to be rid of me, and yet here she was, visiting me at my desk the way I used to visit at hers. Our conversation was meant to be short - a few minutes' continuation of a rant that started last week. But 20 minutes later here we were, discussing, of all things, sexuality and societal stigma. The flow of the conversation was interesting, as well, but there's no sense in trying to trace it - it ran the gamut, shifted and went in different directions as if we had never had a falling out - as it has no bearing on this post. Anyone who has ever had a close friendship knows how it goes, anyway - how conversations can flow through several topics when you're at ease with the person you're talking to. And that's how it was - which makes this all the more unsettling. I don't feel easy with her. I don't feel comfortable with her. At least, not until I lose myself in the topic of the moment and remember her as the confidant of months past.

I suppose it's not so surprising. It's very lonely at work without a friend. It's so hard to pass the hours and days without someone you can lean on. I've had to do it for a while, now, so it's no wonder that I'm reaching out and clinging to what I'm offered.

To be honest, though, I'd rather be emailing with my friend Ian or with Thom when he has time. (Thom, by the way, is sounding rather punchy today in his emails - and I'm enjoying that immensely). But as I said, I'm left with what's offered. For now.

I just wonder how and when it will all go wrong.

Paste and Cornbread and all things Salmony...

Oh. My. God.

Mario liked it?! Wow... We must tell the world. Much fun will be had at his expense. Does that boy have no taste buds?!

Poor Jarrett. I feel so bad because he worked so hard on it, and yet it's funny as hell that even he knew it was wrong. I had wondered if he'd have any of it, and would notice something was off when/if he did. I hope he knows that, even though it was terrible, the gesture was fully appreciated - by all of us.

We have to make this right, Thom. You can't have your birthday without (edible!) red velvet cake. Perhaps J and I will work something out...

And I promise to taste it first. :)

Life, the Universe and Everything...

...from the female (gender-wise, anyway ;) ) side of this blog.

Friggin' turd. I like that. I like that a lot. And I think I'm going to steal it for my own the next time the hubby does something manlike (read: stupid). I'm sure Thom will be fine with it. What's a little plagiarism between friends?

Thom needn't have worried about saying that men are stupid. Everyone's entitled to. Men are because, well, they're speaking about themselves (even if it's indirectly). Women are, too, because we have to put up with the stupid men in question. So consider it a free-for-all, Thom, and rant away. :)

Reading his entry today, I had an epiphany. I saw it from an outsiders' point of view - the way someone who just happened to stumble onto this blog might see it. And it looks disturbingly like I (or maybe Thom, depending on how you look at it) have some sort of multiple personality thing going on and each personality contributes her (or his) own spin on their posts. It was a little disconcerting...in a good sort of way. So I might have to talk Thom into taking some candid snaps with me so we can show that we are, indeed, two separate people.

God, I'm glad for that. I love Thom, but I'm convinced that that beard would ITCH.

The boyfriend news isn't really news. Not to me. I heard about it this past weekend, during my usual bumming-around-Thom's-place Saturday. My thoughts? Well... First, I thought the boyfriend was a putz. Second, I wanted to find him and cheerfully kick his ass for hurting my Thom. (And yes, I think of him as mine. Not in that weird "fag hag" sort of way. More like a protective best friends sort of way. After all, if he weren't around, who else would I giggle and talk about boys with? Um...not that I do, of course...but... Damn.)

Okay...maybe he's *our* Thom. The hubby and me. (We've both told Thom that if we were gay males we'd be fighting - to the death! - for the right to date him. So yeah. Ours. :) )

What can I say? Thom just rocks. :)

Ahem. Anyhow...

Yeah, the boyfriend thing was a shock on Saturday. But I didn't have much time to plan his sudden-and-suspicious disappearance, because by that afternoon he had called and all was right with the world again. Good thing he came to his senses, and his man moment was just a minor one.

He's safe for now, but I'm keeping my eye on him.

There's a lady I work with who wore this dress yesterday. The back of the dress has a big open space in it that shows the part of the back that's between the shoulderblades (hard to picture, but it'd actually be pretty cute on someone with the right figure). This woman is...shall we say...a little on the round side. Okay, a LOT on the round side. (Cut me some slack - I was trying to be nice). And I swear, that space in the back of her dress looked like it was filled with ass crack.

I've seen my first ever spine cleavage, and have come away afraid. And scarred for life.

*Shudder*

Also, I discovered not long ago that Twig wore her tiara at the behest of someone else there. Apparently, she wanted to wear it but had to be talked into it because she wasn't going to do it. Why, you ask? Well...get this...

She thought people would be jealous.

Yep, that's what I said. Jealous. Of a cheap crown from a high school dance. Uh huh.

Oh, watch us turn green with envy.

Someone here *might* be jealous if there was some sort of cash prize to go with the crown. Or if, maybe, the title boosted her into super stardom and she started doing movies and got her own talk show. And that's a *big* maybe.

Me, I still find her annoying. And I still want to feed her lard.

But if that equals envy in her world...

Wow, she's going to have a rude awakening when she finds out that means exactly fuck all in the real world. I wish I could be there to see it. Oh, how I'd LAUGH.

My "black thumb" seems to be more a dirty shade of grey now. I was watering the plants (those that have actually grown, anyway) yesterday and I noticed that the flowers are growing. Okay. They're not flowers yet. Right now they're just tiny little stems with little round leaves on them (kind of cute, actually). But there's growth, damnit! Now if I can get them to grow all over instead of in little clumps I might be in business. One step at a time.

Right now I have more of a problem figuring out how to cut the grass on the hill. I can't just run a mower over it, as I don't want to mutilate the ivy and the tiny little flower seedlings. But short of being on my knees with a pair of scissors I'm sort of lost on how to go about it. Any suggestions would be great (I'm looking in your direction, Thom!).

In fact, the whole yard needs a good cut. I told the guy with the mower no a few weeks ago and nobody has been back since. (Despite him saying he'd be around the next day). And the hubby and I don't have a mower. I hope someone comes around again soon, and that they're not all done for the year. There's a lot of time for grass to grow between now and winter.

Of course, the extra height would be good for covering up the grave I'll have to dig when I figure out who keeps throwing trash in the yard. I'm just saying.

I guess that's enough out of me. I'd write about the cake from this past weekend, but it was for Thom's birthday so I'll let him do the honors if he so chooses. THAT will be an interesting post. ;)

Bye for now!

A great many things.

This was written while I was at work.

I'm back after a long, silent break from the blogging world. Why, you ask? Don't know. Just haven't taken the time to write anything. That's the simple truth of it, and I stand by it. But now, I figured it's time that one of us (Thom or I) break the silence and add something to this. And since he's currently caught up in his new boy, I thought I'd jump in and have a go at it.

Unfortunately, this is probably going to turn out to mostly be a rant, as there are several things that have been irking me to no end in the past few days.

The first: Twig. The little (literally - I could probably lift her up with one hand - though for once that's not what's bugging me) girl that's been working (read: taking up space) at the office lately. I only have to deal with her for about an hour a day, which I like. But I still can't stand the constant show of immaturity that happens when she's here. Some immaturity is fine (I mentioned her giggling to the hubby, who has "kindly" pointed out that I giggle too from time to time). But there's a time and a place for it. And her time and place seem to be "all the time" and "everywhere". And *that* I have issues with.

She was named homecoming queen at whatever high school she goes to. How do I know that? Easy - she wore the fucking tiara to work yesterday.

Yes, you read that right. SHE WORE A METAL CROWN COVERED IN RHINESTONES (or whatever the hell it is) TO WORK.

Who the hell does that!? Does she crave attention so much that she has to do something so blatantly "look at me!"? The worst part: it made her giggle even more (Joy!) every time someone would come along and call her "Your Highness." Gag me.

No, seriously. Gag me. Put me out of my misery. If you love me you'll do it.

I had to stop in traffic on the way home yesterday because a cop car was coming (you know how that goes, I'm sure). Some trailer-park-trash reject and his woman decided that was the perfect opportunity to jaywalk. And where was he when traffic started moving again? Why, right in front of my car, of course! The car ahead of me was already 10 feet or more away, and this reprobate was strolling along in front of my car as if he had nowhere at all to be and nobody was waiting for him to MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY.

I passed him by and laid on the horn as I went, because that's the type of mood I was in. (If I had power windows, I'd have probably yelled something at him, too). And guess what.

Go on. Guess.

Okay, I'll tell you. That shallow-end-of-the-gene-pool swimmer had the nerve to flip me off as if *I* were the one who was being a dumbass!

Can you imagine?

Yeah, probably.

I swear... They really need to stop letting these people breed.

Yet another good reason for mandatory birth control.

So yeah - I'm surrounded by dumbasses. So the last thing I've wanted to do lately is come online and rant about it, preferring instead to be at home and NOT in constant contact with the idiots of the world. Most people say it helps to get it out. Bugger that - it just pisses me off all over again.

A tiara. I mean, really. COME ON!

It's people like this that make me unable to stand their presence in general. Right now she's sitting there, actually working for once, and it's irritating me. The simple act of her being here is irritating me. And there isn't a damn thing I can do about it, because I'm not so far gone that I don't fear prison.

I've said it many many times (though never on this blog - yet), and I'll say it again:

I need a license to kill. Really. The world would be better off.

Uh... News. No news. Thoms' birthday is tomorrow (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, THOM!) and I can't post what the hubby and I are getting him 'cause he might read this and I don't want to spoil it. So I'll just say that I hope it's a good one, and that his man gives him something good (heh heh...get it?).

I suppose that's about it. Now I'm going to spend the last 30 minutes or so of work trying to keep busy so I don't launch myself out of my chair and tackle Twig. I wouldn't hurt her. I swear. I just want to hold her down and feed her lard by the bucket full.

Is that so wrong?