Dreaming, Wide Awake

Our littlest one is two!

2011-12-18T00:27:00.001-08:00

Happy 2nd birthday, baby Dani! It's hard to believe it's been two years already. We love you!

Happy 5th birthday!

2011-08-02T08:18:00.000-07:00

Wow. Five years already! Watching you grow up so fast is bittersweet. I can't wait to see who you become, but I also miss who you were.

Happy 5th birthday, baby girl. I love you!

1 year old!

2010-12-18T20:13:00.001-08:00

Happy first birthday, baby Dani. Mommy and Daddy and Big Sissy love you very, very much!

4 already!

2010-08-02T20:41:00.001-07:00

Four years old. How time flies. I'm so proud of you, honey. Happy birthday! I love you!!!

We're home!

2009-12-21T16:35:00.000-08:00

Danaerys Leigh was born on Friday, December 18th at 5:43 pm. She weighed 6 lbs 14 oz and was 19 inches long. She's completely healthy, despite several issues/surprises during my pregnancy, and is now home and doing great. :)

And for any that are wondering, I'm doing fine too. :)

We're expecting!

2009-08-24T15:11:00.001-07:00

Baby Girl will soon have a little baby sister. I'm due in January. :)

Update: My C-section is scheduled for December 23rd. It'll suck spending Christmas in the hospital, but the end result will be worth it!

Happy 3rd birthday!!!

2009-08-02T16:05:00.000-07:00

Three years already. I can't believe we've had you this long. I love you so much, and I'm so proud of you. I hope you have a good day!

It has been two years already!

2008-08-02T07:26:00.000-07:00

Two years ago today I was at the hospital, nervous and shaking and with blood pressure that was through the roof (the doctor's didn't want to believe it was all nerves, but it was). I was dreading that surgery, but at the same time I just wanted them to get it over with so I could stop being so scared. I was glad my husband was there, holding my hand and telling me how well I was doing. My tears had stained my glasses so badly they were useless, so I asked him to take them off. I spent the entire time unable to see.

I knew what I'd get when it was done. At least, mostly. I knew I'd end up with a small, helpless bundle I'd be responsible for taking care of, and I knew I'd love that bundle more than anything. I just wasn't entirely prepared for how much "more than anything" would truly be.

At noon, I was taken into the emergency room and given the shot that would make me unable to feel anything from mid-chest down. It hurt a lot, but was over quickly. There was a lot of action, and before I knew it, I heard the screaming cry of a newly-arrived baby. They announced that it was a girl, which I knew, and then whisked you away to get cleaned up and wrapped in a blanket and little hat to keep you warm. I got to kiss you once on the cheek, then you were taken away.

My gestational diabetes required treatment, and the little once-per-day pill they had me on (when diet just wasn't enough) pushed your blood sugar down to half what it should have been. They were having trouble getting you to breathe on your own. All of this required an IV, sugar water feedings (to supplement the breast milk, and then the formula when we discovered I wasn't producing enough), a heart monitor, and an oxygen monitor (which you kept knocking off your hand so they had to attach it to your foot). I cried when I saw you - the IV they had to put in your precious little foot must have hurt quite a bit.

You spent your first two days of life in the intensive care nursery, unable to come to my room except for feedings (once an hour - around the clock - while trying to breast feed, then once every two hours for formula). They let me come to you, though, so I did as much as possible. Your grandparents - my mother and father - visited every day, and fawned over you as much as they always have.

Your father, video camera rolling and pointed at us as I sat holding you, asked me how I was feeling. My voice breaking, I could only say "I don't know. I can't describe it." I didn't have the words for the way my heart seemed to be swelling and breaking (in a good way) all at once.

It took me two years to finally find them, and I want to write them down now before they're swept away by the wonder of it all again.

You are, without a doubt, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. My heart aches with joy every time I look at you. Watching you grow has been the greatest thing I've ever experienced, and I feel blessed that I'm having the chance to be a part of it.

I can't wait to see what you make of this life. I can't wait to see where your dreams take you. My greatest wish is that you grow up happy, and healthy, and that everything you want in life comes to you.

My only regret will be losing the little girl that curls up and goes to sleep on my chest, and hops in place yelling "Ma ma! Ma ma!" when I come home before running to me and giving me the biggest hug she can manage. You have no idea how much that means to me. It is, truly, things like that that I live for.

But you will grow up. You will change. I have come to accept that, even if it means the loss of my curly-haired little darling, and am excited to see what comes next. I can only hope we stay as close as we are now.

You're asleep as I write this, worn out from yesterday spent with your grandma (daddy's mommy). I hope you'll enjoy today. I can't offer you clowns and balloons and dozens of children to play with, but those of us that love you most (mommy's parents, daddy's mommy, mommy's grandparents, your god father and his partner, and a few close friends) will be here with you. Some might not make it, but I know they're sending their best either way. We'll be here to watch you open presents and eat cake, and to lavish attention upon you. This whole day is all about you.

I hope you know, in some unconscious way, how much you mean to all of us. You've changed our lives, for the better, and we're all eternally grateful that you're here with us.

I love you, my angel. Happy birthday.

Happy Birthday Hubby!

2008-07-23T04:38:00.000-07:00

Happy 32nd birthday, honey. I hope it's a good one.

I love you. :)

A Note for Baby Girl

2007-08-02T17:21:00.000-07:00

Happy first birthday, my precious little baby girl. Mommy loves you!

The Baby Girl!

2007-07-08T05:28:00.000-07:00

My grandfather took these pictures on Friday, and they're just so adorable I thought I'd post them here.

11 months old already! Wow!

A post three days in the making.

2007-02-13T13:11:00.000-08:00

Or: The worst/scariest day of my life.
This happened Saturday.
I couldn't talk about it then.
Why?
Well, I'm pretty sure it traumatized me for life.
Or at least a decade or two.
It was a usual Saturday morning. About 9 am. Baby Girl let me sleep in for a while, for which I was extremely grateful. But then she started in - whining and calling out and doing this weird growling thing she does (I swear she's half wolf or something).
So I get up and go in, and I find her in the funniest situation...
She likes to grab/chew on the bumper on the side of her crib. Normally she ends up with an arm or a leg sticking out between the bars. Nothing new, there. Saturday, though, she was on her side and had her face stuck under the bumper. And she was growling around a wooden "bar" on her crib, which was firmly fastened between her lips. Yep. My daughter cuts teeth on some of the weirdest things.
This wasn't the traumatic thing. Actually, this was quite funny. I still wish I had gone with my first instinct and grabbed a camera.
But I didn't. Instead, I went over, untangled her, and lifted her out. I did like I always do, which is wish her good morning and kiss her pudgy little cheeks while I hold her up and she smiles down at me. Then I grabbed her bottle and Binky (pacifier) and headed out into the hall.
The way our house is set up, most everything is downstairs. The only rooms that are upstairs are our two bedrooms. So I shuffle things around until I have what I think is a good grip on her and her stuff. Then I start downstairs.
We have 11 or 12 steps leading up to the second floor. My foot slipped after two or three. I went down on my ass/back (I have some nasty bruises down the backs of both arms, which shows how hard I hit) and slid down a bit right around step #10.
Several things happened in probably half a second. I yelled "Oh God!", slammed down into a half-lounging position, and realized she wasn't with me anymore.
Then I looked down.
I looked down in time to see my sweet Baby Girl's limp body cartwheeling down the remaining 7 or 8 steps.
Part way down, it was her head that bounced off a step.
She landed on her stomach at the base of the stairs and I got moving. By the time I got down to her (vaguely realizing that my husband was now out of bed and beside me), she was holding her head up and screaming. I picked her up and hugged her tight, saying something like "Oh God, Aislinn. Oh Baby..." Then Johnnie was there. He took her from me and we both looked her over. Then he gives her back and gets dressed, and we load her into her car seat. By now she's done crying, and is doing this odd "Unh...unh...unh...unh..." noise. I've heard it's an inarticulate expression of fear. I didn't know that then, and thought it was due to the bump on her head. I started to prepare myself for some major head injuries.
By now, I'm sobbing openly.
I got dressed too and we were out the door. We live about 5-10 minutes from a hospital, depending on traffic. That's the first place we went.
I drove. This probably was not the best move, but I was too impatient to sit helplessly in the passenger seat.
I road raged the whole way there. Traffic wasn't fast enough. The lights weren't fast enough. I'm lucky I don't have telekinesis, or things would have been in flames.
Half way there, Aislinn stops crying. I just had the thought, while writing this, that it probably seemed like she had passed out (or worse). That honestly didn't occur to me at the time, and I'm grateful for that.
By the time we got her signed in and were in the waiting room, she was smiling and being happy.
I was a wreck.
They called her in fairly quickly and a doctor looked her over. He ordered a CAT scan, which happened about 10 minutes later.
We were told the results usually took 30 minutes to come back.
We waited an hour and a half.
Aislinn slept. Johnnie dozed. I paced and rocked and cried and prayed.
I don't pray. I just don't really believe in it. This time, however, I figured I shouldn't take any chances.
Finally the news came back. She's fine!
I thanked every diety I had ever heard of (real life and otherwise), and we bundled her up and took her back home.
Our usual fun Saturday tradition (gaming with friends) was cancelled after that. I just couldn't have fun after that happened. I just couldn't face the usual group with anything resembling a smile.
So we stayed at home and kept an eye on her for signs of any other types of injuries, and thankfully found none. We cuddled her a lot, and kissed her a lot, and she spent quite a bit of time sleeping.
I don't blame her. I would have, too.
The scratches she got are almost gone. She's as happy and bouncy as ever, and shows no signs of dwelling on what happened (though I'm sure babies don't do that, anyway).
Me, I'm a different story. Even though I didn't dream of the incident (I was sure I would), I can't help seeing it in my head several times a day. And it always sends a chill up my spine.
My little girl...my baby... She could have died. She could have broken her neck. And it would've been because of me.
Don't say it. I've heard it all. It wasn't my fault. It was an accident. Yadda, yadda.
Not my fault? Bullshit. If I had been holding her more tightly, and taking better care when going down the steps, my foot wouldn't have slipped and it wouldn't have happened. I'm a klutz. I always have been. And I know this. So why wasn't I more careful?
She's perfectly fine, and I'm drowning in guilt. Imagine what would've happened if she *was* injured. Or if she died.
I would have never forgiven myself. Hell...I might not, anyway.
I'm grateful for the happy ending. Really. I've never been more relieved about anything in my life. But it was a harsh way to learn an important lesson.
But I learned it. You can be sure that ever since then I'm that much more careful when doing things while she's with me. I was careful before, of course, but now...
I won't scoot down the stairs on my ass. I don't think it's necessary to go quite that far. But I considered it.
There you have it. There is a short description of what is, so far, the worst/scariest day of my life. And I've been told that things like that will happen over and over again. It's just the way of things when you have kids.
I can hardly wait. :/

My little pumpkin :)

2006-10-27T18:56:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween! :)

For some reason...

2006-09-19T09:08:00.000-07:00

...my daughter found her grandpa (my dad) quite tasty a few days ago...

My beautiful little girl! :)

2006-08-10T10:39:00.000-07:00

What else needs to be said, really? :)

Baby news

2006-08-07T21:42:00.000-07:00

Aislinn (pronounced Ace-lynn) Brie was born to the hubby and I on Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006 at 12:35 pm. She weighed 8 lbs. 9 oz. at the time of birth and is 19.5 inches long. After three days spent in the hospital, baby and I are home and doing quite well (though healing after a C-section blows). She's THE BEST baby - hardly fusses at all and even then it only lasts a minute or two - and is ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL! :D

I just had to share. :D

Not much time today...

2006-08-01T05:14:00.000-07:00

I'm having a C-section tomorrow. My baby (9 pounds or so!) is too large for me to have a natural childbirth (or rather, I'm too small "down there"), so the doctor thought it best. I'm relieved at that - I was afraid of how it would go - but am still not looking forward to being cut open in the process.

I haven't been sleeping well. Too many thoughts - too many emotions. Most of the time I can block out the worries and the "What am I going to do *now*!?" response that I normally have to the whole thing*. But at night, in the dark, it's much more difficult. Don't get me wrong...I'm happy she'll be here soon (my body can't take much more of this, anyway), but I just don't know how I'm going to be as a mom. I worry I'll be like my mom was, and that keeps my excitement about the event at a minimum. I'm sure I'll feel better about it after it's all done.

I'd feel better now, if I had any clue about what to do with a baby.

My mother-in-law (who I adore) is coming in on Saturday to stay for 10 days. I'm glad - she knows I'll need the help. And my parents are just 5 minutes (or a phone call) away. I'm glad for that, too. As much as part of me wishes that this would be the hubby's first child (he has one from a previous relationship, but she doesn't live with us), I'm glad he has some experience with this.

I wish babies came with instructions. Or that I had taken up babysitting as a teenager. It would make this a much easier ordeal, and leave me with a lot less anxiety.

Maybe that's why I have such frequent heartburn. :/

* I don't mean to say that I regret getting pregnant. I don't. At all. I just question how good a job I'll do. It's the new mom thing, I guess - "What if I break her?" Add to that the fact that my own mother is/was crazy (no joke), and I'm sure you can understand my apprehension.

I can't believe we associate...

2006-02-09T19:29:00.000-08:00

This guy I know royally pissed me off today. He has, in fact, done so quite often in the past month.

Among his little turds of wisdom are the following:

1. Ex criminals are all worthless slime who were too lazy/stupid/whatever to do something decent with their lives. Oh, and they're all cowards because they wouldn't (not couldn't - WOULDN'T) find any way to solve their problems legally.
2. Homosexuals are only gay because there is something abnormal in their brain, and medical science will probably create some wonder drug that will "cure" them of their like of the same sex.
3. Transgender people are all mentally ill and should be locked up in an institution and "given help" for their insanity.
4. Any job that does not require at least a high school diploma (not a GED, mind) is not a real job, and is only fit for stupid people who are too lazy/dumb to better themselves. This, of course, means that he is above them and "a better person" than they are.
5. Along with #4, he feels that anyone who has only a GED (or less) should simply be unemployed. I don't know what he expects them to do, or how he expects that he wouldn't have to pay taxes to feed/clothe/house them, but whatever.

All those words - abnormal, and mentally ill, and insanity - were verbatim. He stated them over and over again. And he wonders why I consider him completely closed minded. Oh. And an asshole.

But you know, I'm used to all that. I'm used to him being that way about things he doesn't understand (mostly because he can't relate because he's never been in the same situation). But there was one thing tonight that REALLY pissed me off.

Keeping this short, because it's past my bedtime and I'm tired.

(This is not verbatim)
Me: You shouldn't say transgender people are mentally ill, because while some might be that doesn't necessarily hold true for all of them. People have called me mentally ill, too, because they think it's wrong that I am how I am. It's not right.
Him: *Makes some comment about how I wouldn't do this certain thing*
Me: Actually, I would. *Launches calmly into a brief story to illustrate my point and show him that he's wrong*
Him: *Comments again that I wouldn't do this thing*
Me: *Gets pissed off, repeats AGAIN why he's wrong* (I will take a lot of things. Someone telling me I'm wrong about my own beliefs/thoughts/feelings is not one of them.)
Him: *Gets pissed off at ME for being irrational.* If you had stated it calmly, I'd have listened. But since you didn't... blah blah blah.

Yeah, I admit. I was irrational. But only AFTER I stated my case and he STILL told me I was wrong about my own fucking feelings. Then he goes on about how he doesn't need my drama. I'll freely admit I got upset, but I want HIM to acknowledge the fact that he wasn't listening anyway, and was still refusing to even notice that I knew what I was talking about the first time. If he had just accepted my answer, that would've been the end of it. But of course it's all *my* fault that I got pissed off, and his comment had nothing whatsoever to do with it.

Whatever.

He also, at some point, asked me why I talk to him if I dislike what he says so much.

My answer?

You know, given how you are toward me, sometimes I wonder.

Asshole.

[Edit: There are actually two things that, now that I've gone back and reread what I wrote, I want to make a bit clearer.

1) When I say I hate when people say I'm wrong about things I think/feel/believe, I don't mean, "I think your opinion is incorrect." What I mean is when I say "I really loved/hated/whatever [thing]", and they say, "No you didn't." How the bloody fuck are you going to tell me how I felt about something?

2) I know that the back and forth about tonight was a little ambiguous. I wrote it that way on purpose, because the subject is not common knowledge and I'd like to keep it that way. Sorry if it's a bit too hard to follow, but I'm afraid you'll just have to deal.]

Amusement at work.

2006-01-06T20:02:00.000-08:00

An annoying coworker was overheard today, having a conversation with another coworker who isn't feeling well. They were discussing various illnesses that their group has and the symptoms that go with them. The annoying coworker had this to say:

"I started feeling weird the other night. The top of my head was tingling."

The only thing I can come up with is that she must have had a thought.

A post too long in the making.

2005-12-28T19:32:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's totally, 100% official. I'm pregnant. At least a month along, at the moment (won't know for sure until my first OBGYN appointment, which is on Jan. 5th). I've had time to get used to the idea, though it still scares me somewhat. It's still sort of abstract at the moment, as I'm not really feeling any physical signs yet (besides tiredness and sore breasts). One good thing - no morning sickness! :) I suppose that once I can feel the baby move (or at least hear its heartbeat) it'll become more real.

I still hope I have a girl. :)

It's amazing how excited everyone is. My dad is so happy, he keeps patting my belly every time he sees me. And Johnnie's dad has surprised us both and called on several occasions to see how I am and to tell me to call him if I need anything (Johnnie swore he isn't like that - he showed no interest when his ex was pregnant, but then again he hated her, so...). It's all wonderful.

Oh...and Thom has to struggle to keep from buying baby stuff every five minutes. *Snicker* That's so cute. :) Did I mention that we named him godfather? Probably not. I don't remember. I really need to post more. :P

I came home from work today and found a dead mouse (a rather small one, actually) in my living room. Either my cat killed it, which is unlikely (he's afraid of his own tail sometimes), or the thing wandered into the living room and had a heart attack (which is even more unlikely, I think). My opinion is that he probably tried to play with it and stepped on the poor thing (I didn't see any teeth marks or whatever when I threw it out). But either way, I've been calling him "Mighty Hunter" all evening. :) As much as he's meowing and wandering around begging for attention, he seems to enjoy it.

I miss my husband. He's been working during the weeks about 3 1/2 hours (in good weather) away from home, so he's only here on the weekends. It sucks. A lot. I wish he could be here, especially now that I'm finally pregnant. I'm not far along, which is good, and I'll need him here more as time goes on. But it would still be nice. Hopefully he'll be able to find something closer to home before I get too round to move anymore. :/

I'm turning 30 on the 18th (of January). That's a milestone I'm not looking forward to.

Anyhow... Enough babbling. It's bedtime for me and my little bundle (which, according to the book I got, is about the size of a large piece of rice). I'll write more as I find the time to, and as more stuff happens that I consider even remotely blogworthy.

Good night.

Oh. My. God.

2005-12-04T10:16:00.000-08:00

Pregnant? Not pregnant? Pregnant? Not pregnant?

Pregnant!!

At least, according to the pregnancy test that I just got done taking.

I can't think. I can't stop shaking and crying and laughing and everything. In short, FREAKING OUT!!

I can't really write more. I'm just...WOW!

Grits teeth

2005-11-18T20:47:00.000-08:00

All I have to say is that I hate - repeat, HATE - when someone 1) screws up something that belongs to you and 2) doesn't give a shit.

One of the guys that comes over every Saturday lost something of mine, and without even helping me look for it he just left. Have I found it yet? No. Will I? Probably not. If I haven't found it yet, it's probably gone (my house has a habit of eating small things). So not only did this asshole screw this thing up, but he didn't give a shit. And this after we've brought him into our home every Saturday for MONTHS.

And that pisses me off. The lack of respect is STAGGERING! Nevermind the fact that what he lost I can't just go out and replace.

If he had any money, at all, I'd charge his bitch ass for it.

Dickhead.

*Fume*

Truth in advertising.

2005-11-12T10:21:00.000-08:00

I think the picture speaks for itself, really. (Found on http://www.engrish.com/)

News posted very late.

2005-11-12T09:55:00.000-08:00

I guess it's pretty obvious by now. No baby. At least, not this month. *Sigh* I've come to terms with it now, but for a little while I was really bummed. (I even cried!) I'm trying to look at it this way - we have another month of fun trying ahead of us. But I would've loved if it would've happened.

Not a whole lot else to say currently. I think there was something else, but I've since forgotten what it was. If/when it comes back to me, I'll come back and do an edit. Until then, I'll just leave it at this.

Oh...and Thom needs to get back here and post some more! I'm at his house currently, so will give him a prod or two to get him moving. :D

More later.

I can't take much more of this!

2005-11-01T15:48:00.000-08:00

Waiting, waiting, waiting. It's consuming me, and every spare thought I have is about babies. I can't take it much longer! Am I pregnant? I want to know, damnit! I NEED to know!

Sadly, I have to wait until Friday. I can only do the test so early, after all. I'm probably going to try to wait until Saturday morning, but I'm not quite sure I'll make it. I'll do my best, though - maybe it will help.

I still have this odd feeling that I might be. Mostly it's due to a few signs that I'm having (you probably don't want to know, and it's not all that important anyway). I can't say I'm certain, really - I'm not certain about any of it. (It's all such an uncertain business). But I think I am. I *hope* I am.

Saturday. Four days. Well...3 1/2. I can't wait!

But, at the same time, I'm sort of dreading it. What if it's negative? I'll have spent the past few weeks fooling myself. I don't like the idea of that at all. And I'll be...

I'll have to steal Veronica's (a friend in Wales) description of this. Even though she and her husband aren't trying, she recently found out she's not pregnant and she's crushed. And that's what I'll be. Crushed. I'm sure that in the end I'll convince myself that it would be better if it happened next month, or the month after that, or the month after that. But that might take a while, and in the meantime I'll be incredibly upset. And I know my husband will be very disappointed.

This is Veronica's first appearance in this blog. I met her through work a few years ago, and she has since met/married her husband (Ben) and moved to Wales. I miss her a great deal, but luckily we keep in touch through email. That's better than nothing, I guess. I had no idea she even wanted a child - she always told me that she never wanted children. But I said the same, once, and look at me now. Just goes to show how much things can change in such a short time.

I guess that's about all I have to say. My husband will be home soon, and I don't want him to see me stressing so much about this.

More later - maybe Saturday when I know for sure (or sooner if I can't hold out).

Added as an afterthought:

I wished a "friend" (and that term is used quite loosely) happy birthday today. I got a short, one-line email back from him (which is the most I've heard for months), and that was about it. We have a history - a long, somewhat-trying friendship - and I hate being blown off this way. What a prick.

And now, we wait.

2005-10-22T11:26:00.000-07:00

So am I pregnant or aren't I? I don't know. And I probably won't know for another few weeks (when I see if I've missed my period or not - and can take a home pregnancy test if I have). And that blows. Not knowing is the worst part of all of it - plus the fear that we may have screwed up our timing or whatever else in the attempt.

It's frustrating. I've spent the last week researching and reading and trying to gauge my own body and what it's been trying to tell me. And I've found out two things:

1) I am supremely lacking when it comes to knowledge about this stuff.

and

2) Even if I weren't I still might not know due to their being no concrete information to be found online.

I should explain #2, I suppose. Every woman is different. Anybody with a vagina and breasts knows this. And usually that's okay. The problem comes when you try to find out what the signs of fertility/pregnancy are, only to find out that there's no clear-cut way to tell about either of those things. Some women have certain signs. Some don't. Some become fertile earlier. Some later. It's all incredibly confusing. And, for a person who likes concrete facts about whatever she's researching, it's all very frustrating as well.

And now I'm at that time where I just have to sit back and wait. Ovulation is over - I think, maybe, if I read the signs right (and I'm not sure that I have) - and there's nothing else to do until my body decides to declare what's going on one way or the other.

The research I did said that a woman only has about a 20%-25% chance to get pregnant during any month (and that's if conditions are optimal and timing is spot on), and that most couples take months before it happens (and maybe up to a year, if there aren't fertility problems). It amazes me... Some women get pregnant at the drop of a hat, whether they want to or not...usually when they don't. Young girls have sex for the first time and wind up pregnant at 15 or 14 or less. Me, I'm trying SO HARD (and my hubby is, too) for this to work and it might take months. Having sex pretty much every single day (or every day, in the case of the past week or so) hasn't helped our chances in the least. We still have 20%-25%. And that blows. Big time.

*Sigh* Well... Nothing to do now but wait and see what happens. I just hope that we made it, and that we don't have to go through this month after month. I don't know if I could take it.

A tribute to Thom's ex-waste of skin.

2005-10-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

Yep. I think that sums it up nicely. That guy was a jerk. I'm glad he's gone.

Laziness and baby ponderings.

2005-10-14T09:28:00.000-07:00

I've been putting off blogging for almost a week, now. No reason why, really. I haven't had time to do it at work (until today), and when I get home I just want to lie around and do nothing. I *especially* don't want to think up pithy things to say to an audience of one (myself...or two if Thom reads this regularly). And...well... my thoughts have just been elsewhere.

The baby thing has taken up most of my spare time lately. I keep thinking about names, and when we can start working on it, and just the MASSIVE responsibility of the whole thing. Holy life changing events, Batman. And I'm trying to be calm. Really. I'm trying to keep from stressing myself out or, worse, panicking. I'm doing okay for the most part. Usually. When I'm distracted.

My friend Ian said something that really blew me away. I reminded him during some conversation or other what a big responsibility this is, and he said, "Of course it is. You're creating a life. That's the closest to godliness a human can come." When I read that (we were conversing through email, like usual), I was just hit by this sudden, overwhelming wave of awe. Because he's right. Having a baby isn't like buying a house, or a car, or embarking on some other big, expensive, life-altering event. We'll be MAKING A PERSON. A real, living person that isn't even on this planet yet. That amazes me. It's such a small thing, really, but the enormity of this small act takes my breath away. And thanks to this revelation - epiphany, really - I can't wait to get going. I can't wait to see my body change. I can't wait to feel this tiny little being growing inside me. The first time he/she kicks, I think I'll burst into tears.

Bring on the morning sickness, and the sore back, and the swollen ankles and feet. Bring on the sleepless nights, and the poopy diapers, and all the rest of it. It'll all be worth it - a million times over, too - to see that small part of the hubby and I come into being and make his/her way in the world.

"A child is the best headache you'll ever have." That was the hubby that said that. He has a daughter, so he knows. And I think that he's absolutely right.

I'm ready.

So much to say...

2005-10-10T09:33:00.000-07:00

...and so little time. So here's a list.

1) Thom's boyfriend broke up with him again, and gave him a ton of stupid excuses why. How pathetic and juvenile. We all thought he was a decent guy when we first met him. Shows how wrong first impressions can be. He fooled us all. I think we should go on a road trip, find him, and beat the snot out of him. I'm not alone in that opinion.
2) Serenity was great. It's a shame about that one person (don't want to spoil it for anyone) dying.
3) The Man and I are going to work on making our first baby, as soon as "that time of the month" is over.
4) I'm SCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARED by #3.
5) I mean, REALLY scared.
6) The Man named Thom as the godfather. I totally agree that he's the right choice. :)
7) Thom says he's being selfish about the baby thing, 'cause it means he gets to decorate the baby's room. I don't mind at all. :)
8) We got a new program here at work and it's slowing me down. I've already learned it, but now I have to be able to do it without having to think about each step first. I hope it doesn't take long (it shouldn't). Our busy days are going to be really bad for me for a bit.
9) Being slow on things like #8 makes me feel slightly inept. Then I realize I'm probably better at it already than anyone else here and I feel better.

I know I've skimmed over quite a few things that should really have more blog time, but lunch is almost over and I have to end it here. More later.

How stupid am I?

2005-09-29T06:48:00.000-07:00

Well, as usually happens, I've ignored my own advice. I went ahead and spent the past few days as though Jennifer and I are on great terms and the "Lipstick Incident" never happened. Her birthday was yesterday, and I learned (from her) that nobody here (work) was doing anything for her birthday. (Which was true - that group is just like that). So I somehow ended up offering to bake a cake. Which I did on Tuesday night. She loved it - everybody did. Which isn't the problem.

The problem is that all day yesterday she kept talking about how her and some friends were getting together after work to celebrate. She kept bringing it up, and never even hinted that I might be included in the festivities. (In fact, now that I think about it, I don't really remember *ever* being invited out with her like that). One of the women that would be there is the other person involved in the "LI", so I wouldn't have gone anyway. It would've been too awkward and uncomfortable. But would it have killed her to act as if I'm her friend? I mean hell...I *did* do something for her birthday. Granted, it was mostly because nobody else did, but still. (I actually told her that if someone was planning to buy a cake she should tell them not to and I'd bake one, so really I'd probably have done it either way).

Mostly I don't really care. But part of me is upset that I was given this HUGE reminder that I'm just not part of that group anymore. And that bugs me - especially after trying to be nice and making sure her time spent at work on her birthday didn't totally suck. (Because it does when people don't acknowledge your birthday - really). Did she have to keep bringing it up in front of me? It was bad enough the first time. Why rub it in? If I were going out for my birthday with friends, I'd have invited her...

Well I would have before. Not now. Not after it's been made so blatantly obvious that I'm not included in any of that.

And I'll be damned if I'm baking another cake for her on her next birthday. Obviously it wasn't as appreciated as she made it out to be. And, obviously, neither am I.

So I guess Monday (we're both out tomorrow, and she's gone today) it'll be back to the old cold shoulder. Guess we'll see if she notices.

Where is this leading?

2005-09-23T20:35:00.000-07:00

After several weeks of barely speaking, Jennifer and I have started some sort of uneasy truce. I don't know if she feels how strained it is. I don't know if she feels how awkward it is. I do. I feel it all, and struggle to forget how disappointing our friendship has become.

We've started up quite a lot of on-the-down-low gossip about a few people (brother and sister, incidentally) that work there (stemming from our various complaints about the people in question and our need to rant about them with *someone*). It's interesting to see how easily we slip into old habits - laughing and joking as if there was never a wedge jammed between us. It's a little scary, too. I'm having a hard time remembering, during those times, that I've promised myself to watch what I say around her...to not let anything slip that might come back to haunt me. I have already, though. Several times over the past several days. I try not to dwell on it, but somewhere deep inside it worries me just a little bit.

I wonder at her motivations. She seemed so content to be rid of me, and yet here she was, visiting me at my desk the way I used to visit at hers. Our conversation was meant to be short - a few minutes' continuation of a rant that started last week. But 20 minutes later here we were, discussing, of all things, sexuality and societal stigma. The flow of the conversation was interesting, as well, but there's no sense in trying to trace it - it ran the gamut, shifted and went in different directions as if we had never had a falling out - as it has no bearing on this post. Anyone who has ever had a close friendship knows how it goes, anyway - how conversations can flow through several topics when you're at ease with the person you're talking to. And that's how it was - which makes this all the more unsettling. I don't feel easy with her. I don't feel comfortable with her. At least, not until I lose myself in the topic of the moment and remember her as the confidant of months past.

I suppose it's not so surprising. It's very lonely at work without a friend. It's so hard to pass the hours and days without someone you can lean on. I've had to do it for a while, now, so it's no wonder that I'm reaching out and clinging to what I'm offered.

To be honest, though, I'd rather be emailing with my friend Ian or with Thom when he has time. (Thom, by the way, is sounding rather punchy today in his emails - and I'm enjoying that immensely). But as I said, I'm left with what's offered. For now.

I just wonder how and when it will all go wrong.

Paste and Cornbread and all things Salmony...

2005-09-23T06:48:00.000-07:00

Oh. My. God.

Mario liked it?! Wow... We must tell the world. Much fun will be had at his expense. Does that boy have no taste buds?!

Poor Jarrett. I feel so bad because he worked so hard on it, and yet it's funny as hell that even he knew it was wrong. I had wondered if he'd have any of it, and would notice something was off when/if he did. I hope he knows that, even though it was terrible, the gesture was fully appreciated - by all of us.

We have to make this right, Thom. You can't have your birthday without (edible!) red velvet cake. Perhaps J and I will work something out...

And I promise to taste it first. :)

Have you ever eaten paste?

2005-09-22T17:45:00.000-07:00

Well, at Tina's behest, I decided to write a bit about the b-day this weekend. First off, it was lots of fun. Everyone came 'round and we hung out and went out to eat and play video games and yeah, that was totally awesome...not to mention cool presents. :-) Anywho... Jarrett, the heterosexual roomate, who is really really nice decided that I should get my favorite cake for my b-day. Now, I like red velvet cake. I prefer it in the shape of an armadillo ("...looks like two pigs wrastlin' under a blanket") (last note for anyone who has seen Steel Magnolias), but hey, I can't be choosey.

So, Jarrett couldn't find me the cake. Instead he made me one from scratch. He stayed up all night and made it. And I mean all night. It was incredibly cool and a totally sweet gesture.

However...

It looked like red velvet cake but tasted like cocka-doo-doo! I mean seriously. LOL. The shit was about the consistency of playdoh and tasted of cornbread, at first. Then there was, so help me god, a lingering flavor of salmon. NO shit! Fish after-taste!!!!! To make it even more interesting, it had cream cheese icing, not bad either, but it was orange. Um...he did that on purpose because he knows I love Halloween so much and wanted it to look like a pumpkin. Yeah. Yum and stuff...

So after dinner we returned to my place, Jarrett wasn't feeling well from dinner and went to bed. The rest of us 'ate' the cake. I, and Josh, in fact ate some cake. Tina recoiled in horror, and Johnnie (as in tina's man Johnnie) almost died upon consuming only a bite. LOL. I'm not sure but I think he was actually physically unable to swallow. Eric just pushed his around the plate a lot.

But the story does not end there...oh no. I nearly choked to death because my friends refused to stop making fun of the cake as I shoveled it down. LOL. I sucked some of that shit up my nose and could smell it for hours. :-0 But...

Next morning, Mario tells me how GOOD his piece was and asks for MORE! LOL. I sent Josh home with some for Mario and he actually liked it...wow, that' s messed up. But Jarrett woke up that same morning, got a big glass of milk and sat down to eat a piece of the crap in question. It was all I could do not to laugh as he put the bite in his mouth and swallowed. He turned beet red and looked at me with an expression of both horror and disgust. LOL. He said, "Is it supposed to taste like this?"

That was it...I lost it.

Life, the Universe and Everything...

2005-09-22T16:53:00.000-07:00

...from the female (gender-wise, anyway ;) ) side of this blog.

Friggin' turd. I like that. I like that a lot. And I think I'm going to steal it for my own the next time the hubby does something manlike (read: stupid). I'm sure Thom will be fine with it. What's a little plagiarism between friends?

Thom needn't have worried about saying that men are stupid. Everyone's entitled to. Men are because, well, they're speaking about themselves (even if it's indirectly). Women are, too, because we have to put up with the stupid men in question. So consider it a free-for-all, Thom, and rant away. :)

Reading his entry today, I had an epiphany. I saw it from an outsiders' point of view - the way someone who just happened to stumble onto this blog might see it. And it looks disturbingly like I (or maybe Thom, depending on how you look at it) have some sort of multiple personality thing going on and each personality contributes her (or his) own spin on their posts. It was a little disconcerting...in a good sort of way. So I might have to talk Thom into taking some candid snaps with me so we can show that we are, indeed, two separate people.

God, I'm glad for that. I love Thom, but I'm convinced that that beard would ITCH.

The boyfriend news isn't really news. Not to me. I heard about it this past weekend, during my usual bumming-around-Thom's-place Saturday. My thoughts? Well... First, I thought the boyfriend was a putz. Second, I wanted to find him and cheerfully kick his ass for hurting my Thom. (And yes, I think of him as mine. Not in that weird "fag hag" sort of way. More like a protective best friends sort of way. After all, if he weren't around, who else would I giggle and talk about boys with? Um...not that I do, of course...but... Damn.)

Okay...maybe he's *our* Thom. The hubby and me. (We've both told Thom that if we were gay males we'd be fighting - to the death! - for the right to date him. So yeah. Ours. :) )

What can I say? Thom just rocks. :)

Ahem. Anyhow...

Yeah, the boyfriend thing was a shock on Saturday. But I didn't have much time to plan his sudden-and-suspicious disappearance, because by that afternoon he had called and all was right with the world again. Good thing he came to his senses, and his man moment was just a minor one.

He's safe for now, but I'm keeping my eye on him.

There's a lady I work with who wore this dress yesterday. The back of the dress has a big open space in it that shows the part of the back that's between the shoulderblades (hard to picture, but it'd actually be pretty cute on someone with the right figure). This woman is...shall we say...a little on the round side. Okay, a LOT on the round side. (Cut me some slack - I was trying to be nice). And I swear, that space in the back of her dress looked like it was filled with ass crack.

I've seen my first ever spine cleavage, and have come away afraid. And scarred for life.

*Shudder*

Also, I discovered not long ago that Twig wore her tiara at the behest of someone else there. Apparently, she wanted to wear it but had to be talked into it because she wasn't going to do it. Why, you ask? Well...get this...

She thought people would be jealous.

Yep, that's what I said. Jealous. Of a cheap crown from a high school dance. Uh huh.

Oh, watch us turn green with envy.

Someone here *might* be jealous if there was some sort of cash prize to go with the crown. Or if, maybe, the title boosted her into super stardom and she started doing movies and got her own talk show. And that's a *big* maybe.

Me, I still find her annoying. And I still want to feed her lard.

But if that equals envy in her world...

Wow, she's going to have a rude awakening when she finds out that means exactly fuck all in the real world. I wish I could be there to see it. Oh, how I'd LAUGH.

My "black thumb" seems to be more a dirty shade of grey now. I was watering the plants (those that have actually grown, anyway) yesterday and I noticed that the flowers are growing. Okay. They're not flowers yet. Right now they're just tiny little stems with little round leaves on them (kind of cute, actually). But there's growth, damnit! Now if I can get them to grow all over instead of in little clumps I might be in business. One step at a time.

Right now I have more of a problem figuring out how to cut the grass on the hill. I can't just run a mower over it, as I don't want to mutilate the ivy and the tiny little flower seedlings. But short of being on my knees with a pair of scissors I'm sort of lost on how to go about it. Any suggestions would be great (I'm looking in your direction, Thom!).

In fact, the whole yard needs a good cut. I told the guy with the mower no a few weeks ago and nobody has been back since. (Despite him saying he'd be around the next day). And the hubby and I don't have a mower. I hope someone comes around again soon, and that they're not all done for the year. There's a lot of time for grass to grow between now and winter.

Of course, the extra height would be good for covering up the grave I'll have to dig when I figure out who keeps throwing trash in the yard. I'm just saying.

I guess that's enough out of me. I'd write about the cake from this past weekend, but it was for Thom's birthday so I'll let him do the honors if he so chooses. THAT will be an interesting post. ;)

Bye for now!

Life, the Universe and Everything

2005-09-20T15:54:00.000-07:00

Wow...what a weird as hell couple of weeks its been. School has been going at a million miles an hour and I haven't had a moment to breathe. We are currently in our academic audit, which is not fun but will be over on Friday. I'm really happy to have it done. We should do well. The state people have been cool and they seem to like us, so we aren't too worried.

Coaching blows. I mean, I love it 'cause I get to work with kids that I normally wouldn't, but still. Its long and tedious. Football is not my favorite sport and running a team is even less fun. If one more parent comes in and tells me how to coach, I'm going to lose my mind. The funny part was, this one parent today was sooooo stoned and trying to tell me how to coach. I finally suggested that he sober up before he comes down again or I would call the police. LOL. He shut up.

The boyfriend is doing well, after a major scare. What is it about men (as I man I feel like I can speak on this) that makes us stupid? Not just a little stupid, but like huge giant mondo stupid? He was ready to break up with me because he was scared of getting too close to someone. He told me that he didn't want to get that close because he was so afraid of getting hurt. Um... yeah, well that's the whole risk of being in love. The thing lasted about 24 hours and then he called me and asked me if I would forgive him. Duh. I love that friggin turd, of course I'll forgive him. I'm sure I'll have to forgive him about a million more times too before I die, that's part of it. Is there some sort of idiot factor on the Y chromosome? I know it happens to me! I wake up every now and then in a cold sweat wondering if I'm good enough for him or if I can be a good enough parter with my busy as hell life. Its so weird.

So, life goes on. I keep on moving forward and the world keeps on spinning. Did find a cool quote today:
The quote from novelist Armistead Maupin reads:"My only regret about being gay is that I repressed it for so long. I surrendered my youth to the people I feared when I could have been out there loving someone. Don't make that mistake yourself. Life's too damn short."

Wow...that's cool.

A great many things.

2005-09-14T14:49:00.000-07:00

This was written while I was at work.

I'm back after a long, silent break from the blogging world. Why, you ask? Don't know. Just haven't taken the time to write anything. That's the simple truth of it, and I stand by it. But now, I figured it's time that one of us (Thom or I) break the silence and add something to this. And since he's currently caught up in his new boy, I thought I'd jump in and have a go at it.

Unfortunately, this is probably going to turn out to mostly be a rant, as there are several things that have been irking me to no end in the past few days.

The first: Twig. The little (literally - I could probably lift her up with one hand - though for once that's not what's bugging me) girl that's been working (read: taking up space) at the office lately. I only have to deal with her for about an hour a day, which I like. But I still can't stand the constant show of immaturity that happens when she's here. Some immaturity is fine (I mentioned her giggling to the hubby, who has "kindly" pointed out that I giggle too from time to time). But there's a time and a place for it. And her time and place seem to be "all the time" and "everywhere". And *that* I have issues with.

She was named homecoming queen at whatever high school she goes to. How do I know that? Easy - she wore the fucking tiara to work yesterday.

Yes, you read that right. SHE WORE A METAL CROWN COVERED IN RHINESTONES (or whatever the hell it is) TO WORK.

Who the hell does that!? Does she crave attention so much that she has to do something so blatantly "look at me!"? The worst part: it made her giggle even more (Joy!) every time someone would come along and call her "Your Highness." Gag me.

No, seriously. Gag me. Put me out of my misery. If you love me you'll do it.

I had to stop in traffic on the way home yesterday because a cop car was coming (you know how that goes, I'm sure). Some trailer-park-trash reject and his woman decided that was the perfect opportunity to jaywalk. And where was he when traffic started moving again? Why, right in front of my car, of course! The car ahead of me was already 10 feet or more away, and this reprobate was strolling along in front of my car as if he had nowhere at all to be and nobody was waiting for him to MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY.

I passed him by and laid on the horn as I went, because that's the type of mood I was in. (If I had power windows, I'd have probably yelled something at him, too). And guess what.

Go on. Guess.

Okay, I'll tell you. That shallow-end-of-the-gene-pool swimmer had the nerve to flip me off as if *I* were the one who was being a dumbass!

Can you imagine?

Yeah, probably.

I swear... They really need to stop letting these people breed.

Yet another good reason for mandatory birth control.

So yeah - I'm surrounded by dumbasses. So the last thing I've wanted to do lately is come online and rant about it, preferring instead to be at home and NOT in constant contact with the idiots of the world. Most people say it helps to get it out. Bugger that - it just pisses me off all over again.

A tiara. I mean, really. COME ON!

It's people like this that make me unable to stand their presence in general. Right now she's sitting there, actually working for once, and it's irritating me. The simple act of her being here is irritating me. And there isn't a damn thing I can do about it, because I'm not so far gone that I don't fear prison.

I've said it many many times (though never on this blog - yet), and I'll say it again:

I need a license to kill. Really. The world would be better off.

Uh... News. No news. Thoms' birthday is tomorrow (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, THOM!) and I can't post what the hubby and I are getting him 'cause he might read this and I don't want to spoil it. So I'll just say that I hope it's a good one, and that his man gives him something good (heh heh...get it?).

I suppose that's about it. Now I'm going to spend the last 30 minutes or so of work trying to keep busy so I don't launch myself out of my chair and tackle Twig. I wouldn't hurt her. I swear. I just want to hold her down and feed her lard by the bucket full.

Is that so wrong?

Life is so weird...

2005-08-24T17:08:00.000-07:00

Well, here's Mr. I think through everything with my head not my heart...and what happened... "SLAM!" struck blindside by a guy that has just swept my heart away! Its so frigging bizarre that it happend to me but it did.

Adam, the boy in question, and I have been chatting online for a while. Really we talked about gaming and stuff but eventually we started chatting on the phone. He sounded wonderful, if not a little shy about L-O-V-E and relationships. So, I finally invited him to go to GenCon with me and my friends (sans Tina who sooooo has to go next year even if I have to drag her there!). Well, when I layed eyes on him...the 'slam' in question upside the head happened. I mean, it was like a bolt from the sky. I knew when I saw him that he was this guy that I wanted to know a lot better. I couldn't take my eyes off him.

As the con progressed, we talked more and more, most of the night as a matter of fact. We gamed, we ate together, and I got to know him. We spilled a lot of baggage and swapped good and bad about life. Cried some, laughed a lot too. I've talked to him every night for at least an hour. He's talking about coming down several times a month and even about Halloween and Christmas plans. I've known him for a couple months and met him for 4 days and I don't know if I've ever known another man so well inside.

I want to laugh and cry all the time. I wake up thinking about him, I go to sleep thinking about him. Shoot me in the head please!

Worst of all...I'm listening to sappy love songs all the time! There are even punk rock love songs, know how I know that??? 'Cause I"m singing them all the time in my head! Oh and the Indigo Girls, K.D. Lang and Melissa Etheridge songs running up there...never seems to end.

Ok...I've vented and am sappy. Here's hoping that this is the big change in my life that I've been hoping for. More to come...

Murder, Death, Kill.

2005-08-23T04:38:00.000-07:00

I'm awake. I'm awake at 7 am. I'm awake at 7 am on a day that I've scheduled a vacation day from work. Why am I awake, you might ask? Because my oh-so-thoughtful husband, after being told TWICE yesterday that I was off today, set my alarm.

So now I'm too pissed to go back to sleep. Partially because I'm awake at all, and partly because I feel like he didn't listen to a god damned thing I told him yesterday. (I should have known, when he forgot two minutes after I told him the first time).

So he's going to die twice. Once for each.

Grrrr...

Cry

2005-08-17T18:38:00.000-07:00

It's only the first night, and I'm already missing my hubby HORRIBLY!!!

I don't know how I'm going to make it until Sunday. He called earlier to say hello and I nearly cried...

I know he's off having fun. And I don't want him to miss out on something he wanted to do so badly (convention - long story). But I really wish I could be with him. If we had known he'd have so much money to take I could have. But we didn't and now he's gone and I'm here with my cat and it sucks.

I want my husband to be back home RIGHT NOW.

I can't wait until Sunday.

:(

Sleep

2005-08-10T23:37:00.000-07:00

So, its 2:30 in the bloody a.m. No sleep for me, nope not a wink. I have been in bed since 11:30 and starred at the ceiling. This whole, 'off work' thing has taken its toll. I have no reason to sleep. Not tired and am in no way ready for bed.

The suck-ass part of it is that I have a 10:00 a.m. meeting later today with my principal. I'm going to have to drink like a gallon of coffee just to stay awake. Grrrr.....hate this.

Oh well, I'll watch bad late night t.v. and hope that it bores me to sleep. My body still knows that technically there are still 2 weeks of vacation left and it doesn't want me using up vacation time on school related business. I agree.

Ok...time for the weather channel, hmmm...that might do it. Blogging is only making me more awake. LOL.

2005-08-08T22:21:00.000-07:00

So here's the newest scoop of the day. I was bartending last night for the local version of American Idol. Lots of NON-DRINKING people, so it sort of sucked. But that's not the story.

This guy came up and started hitting on me. He was like 50ish and nice, but not bad looking. So, he keeps chatting and he tips as he chats, so its good for me. He then tells me that if I want to go home with him I can but to let him know cause he wants to take a viagra.

No think on that for a sec.........

What a way to burn out the sexy thoughts. Now mind you, I wasn't going home with him anyhow, but still...geez. I guess I had that look of dumbfounded horror on my face and just sort of scurried away. He then left the bar. Thank god.

But the night did not end on a bad note. The owner came in and got really drunk. We decided that after the bar closed we could all play Truth or Dare. We got him to agree. Nobody would give me a good dare...'cause they knew I'd do it....BUT....we dared him to eat dog food and the drunken sod did it! Yes, its childish, but he ate dog food and it was so cool. It wasn't even the good moist kind, it was the kibble. Wow, it was awesome. He puked too. That made it better.

Ah...that's my day.

'later kids

Idiot of the Week.

2005-08-05T15:02:00.000-07:00

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for. We here at RamblingDreamer, Inc. bring you...

The Idiot of the Week

But first, this commercial break.

"Hey, mom, have you ever had that...not-so-fresh feeling...?"

Kidding. (And I've never had that feeling, in case you're wanting to know. Sicko.)

Let me give you a little bit of background so this post will make sense.

I work for a newspaper. The name is unimportant. Let's just say that it's a pretty big one in my city/state. I work in the classified section. Specifically the legals. I handle the bid requests, the public auctions, etc.

Now that you know that, we can move on...

A lady from one particular department of the city (yes, the city itself) wanted to place an ad for Tuesday. This is Friday, which means the ad for Tuesday should have been in here two days ago (per our deadlines that are listed in the paper). I told her so. She whined a little bit - "Are you *sure* you can't get it in?" - and when I said no she gave up and let me off the phone.

[Note: She mentioned seeing the deadlines in the paper, so as this was going on I wondered why she was surprised that her ad was too late - especially when I confirmed that it wasn't some bizarre typo.]

30 minutes later, she calls back.

"Yes, I'm calling from [name of city/department]. Can I get an ad in for Tuesday?"

Okay. I know that I'm sleep deprived today (see earlier post). And I know that, at least in her mind, she's the most special person on earth and I should bend over backwards *while* kissing her ass (which takes a great deal of talent, believe me) to do what she wants. But why, oh why, does she think that I'm going to a) forget that we spoke earlier and b) change my answer just for her?

I don't know, either.

Anyway... Again, I say no. Again, she whines briefly. Then she sighs heavily - because of course it's all *my* fault they're getting things in too late - and lets me off the phone.

And here's where I get naive. I get naive because I think that this is over.

Nope.

A few hours later I get a fax. Guess who it's from! Yep! You guessed it! It's her *again*. This time she seems to think that if she requests it in writing that somehow the deadline will magically disappear and I'll take her stupid ad.

Heh. Guess again.

So I call her back, and inform her voice mail that no, we *still* can't get the ad in for Tuesday. Does she want me to put it in for another day? I don't know, because she has yet to return the message.

But aha! She has underestimated the cover-my-own-ass ability of who she's dealing with! I got ahold of the manager who's in charge of my small one-person department and explained what happened. That way, if this woman decides to "forget" that I left a message and calls to complain that her ad isn't in, the manager will be forewarned. She said that if I don't hear from the woman by Monday I need to let her (the manager) know.

Backup in high places is a wonderful thing.

Technically I could have gotten her ad in. It was short, and with the speed I type (over 100 wpm - the tooting you now hear is the sound of my own horn being, well, tooted) I could've had it done in five minutes flat. But she caught me on an I'm-not-being-helpful-and-you-can't-make-me-do-it day. (Plus, I'm annoyed that she thinks I'm stupid enough to forget that she's contacted me *THREE TIMES* because she thinks the deadlines shouldn't apply to her. What can I say? I'm passive-aggressive like that.).

All of this, topped off by the fact that dealing with people who think they're superior annoys me, contributed to a very anti-helpful stance on my end. Nevermind the fact that my manager (a different one than the one over legals - I do the jobs of about three people, so I report to more than one person) said I needed to be more strict with the deadlines (after we changed them a while back, I was letting it slide much too often, and people were taking advantage).

So that's the story. I fully expect to hear from this woman on Tuesday, and to be screamed at because her ad isn't in the paper. Oh well. I've covered my bases. It'll be a hard lesson to learn, I'm sure, when she realizes that she is not the center of my (or any other, for that matter) universe, and that sometimes she should listen to people who try to do their job - especially when she knew ahead of time how things are.

Tune in...some time later - whenever another beaut like this comes up and I feel like writing about it - for the next installment of

Dum-da-da-dum!

Idiot of the Week!

Oh, give me a break. We here at RamblingDreamer, Inc. are working on a very small budget. You want fanfare, go to Disney World.

Sad Realization

2005-08-05T13:37:00.000-07:00

I got a strange call last night, from a good friend of mine, Shaun. Shaun and I were best buds for years. We hung out, we went places, we were a little romantic, but he was never sure about that part of his life. I didn't care. He was a good friend and its was fun hanging out with him.

About two years ago we lost touch. He was dating a girl that didn't like him associating with me, well with anyone from his past for that matter. He would pop up every now and then and hang out then disappear again. About a year ago he promised me some antique furniture that he had refinished specifically for me. He's good at that and found something that he knew I would love. Then...silence.

Almost a year passed and last night Shaun called me again. He had my furniture and was hiding it for me. You see his girlfriend was now his wife to be...and she was pregnant. Not just a little pregnant, like 8 months pregnant. She is making him move out of the city, all the way to Clermont County. He was told to sell his antiques...by the wifey in question...and is not doing the refinishing so much anymore. Its sad. He was really good at it and LOVES it.

I hate to lose a friend and I feel like he is going to be out of my life for good at this point.

Hm.

2005-08-05T03:22:00.000-07:00

Looking back over my few posts and the page layout has led me to a discovery.

Me, coupled with the ability to change everything on a web page, is a bad, bad thing.

Yep.

Now I'm off to find food.

Sleep deprivation is fun.

2005-08-05T03:15:00.000-07:00

It's 5:56 am.
It's 5:56 am, and I'm awake.
It's 5:56 am, and I'm awake because of several things. These things are:

1) Hubby's alarm went off. This is a common thing - he is supposed to be awake about 1 1/2 hours before me.
2) Hubby got up and reset the alarm so he could sleep some more, then snuggled up behind me. This, too, is common. It happens every morning.
2a) I should note, here, that Hubby can fall asleep in about 2 milliseconds. I, however, take much longer - usually 20 minutes or more (and that's if I'm lucky enough to be awake for only a minute or so).
2b) While snuggling, Hubby rests his head nearly atop mine. So as he falls asleep, he is both dropping his head to rest - painfully - against mine and snoring in my ear.
2c) Have you ever noticed that a sleeping persons' head seems to weigh about 100 pounds? Think of that squashing your own head into a pillow, and I'm sure you'll be able to feel my pain. (No pun intended).
2d) While I do thoroughly enjoy the snuggling, I spend the next 30 minutes or so (time that could be spent sleeping) getting more and more irritated at said squashing and snoring. But, being that I love the snuggling, I don't say anything because I don't want him to go away.
3) I finally give up the ghost and sit up to see the time, which is when Hubby informs me, "The clock is wrong. I hit the "time" button instead of the "alarm" button." So the clock now reads nearly 7 am, instead of 5:40 (I didn't know it was 5:40 until a bit later).
4) I flop back down into bed, only to get up a moment later when I realize I have to pee.
5) After having gone down to pee and checked the time (the clock was about 1:40 fast), I go upstairs and collapse into bed again.
6) I realize after about 5 minutes of staring at the ceiling that I am painfully awake.
6a) And on the heels of that: "If I continue to try to sleep, I'll manage to do so right about ten minutes before I have to be up, anyway."

So here I am. In a little over 30 minutes I have to start wandering around getting ready for a fun-filled day at work.

This is SO not going to be me today.

And away we go.

2005-08-04T15:15:00.000-07:00

So after about half an hour spent trying to add my picture to my profile - successfully - I'm faced with an annoying case of writers' block. I never have any idea about how to start these things. Everything I try just comes out sounding like a TV show caught in the middle. You know the ones - the president or some other person is blah-blah-blahing along, and by the time he shuts up you get to return to a show which is "already in progress". I've been "in progress" for nearly 30 years, now, and the reader - that's you, in case you're not keeping track - gets to be tossed into the middle of my life after one long-ass presidential announcement.

So. Have you come into the exciting part of the episode? I don't really know. Is it worth sticking around for? Possibly. Maybe. That depends on your sense of humor and how much bitching about work you can stomach. (I do a lot of that last bit). I guess you'll just have to read ahead and decide for yourself.

Oh... While we're on the subject... A good friend of mine is going to be sharing this little slice of cyber space with me. Telling us apart will be easy. I'll let you figure that bit out for yourselves.

For now, I guess this will do. I might post a rant after this email. But then again, maybe it's a better idea to ease you into it. There'll be plenty of time for that later.

Now if I can just figure this HTML thing out so I can add my own style to this...